Wednesday, March 13, 2013

One Year Ago Today...

It seems that I'm playing this game a lot in my mind lately.  Starting in December.  One year ago on December 5th I was out with Dave watching Twilight and eating at the Yardhouse for my birthday.  One year on December 6th, I took my 5th graders on a field trip and started to feel really crampy.  I was 10 weeks pregnant, but nobody at school knew yet.  One year ago that same day, we rushed to the ER for major bleeding, worried out of our minds that we were losing another pregnancy.

Every major event (Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day) and even lots of random dates in between that stick out in my mind still as days I had appointments or other crazy contraction/bleeding episodes keep popping back into my mind as "One year ago today" memories.

Today is a big one.  One year ago today, I made it to 24 weeks.  After 14 weeks on bed rest at home, my OB wanted me to be admitted into the hospital for closer monitoring.  One year ago today, I thought I was going to be living in the hospital away from my family for 15 more weeks until my scheduled c-section date on June 26th.  I had no idea what was in store only one week later. 

My amazing family and friends helped me through this trying time.  My mom took Dani every day while Dave was working.  Then he would pick her up after school and bring her to the hospital to eat dinner and hang out with me before bringing her back home and doing her bath and bedtime single dad style.  And while they only had to do it for a week as things turned out, they went into it knowing full well that this could be the routine for the next 3.5 months.  And they didn't even hesitate.  My amazing friends called, texted, kept me entertained and busy on the computer, brought me books and magazines to read, etc.  I don't think I ever got a chance to properly thank everyone for helping me (and Ryan) through that time in our lives, so I'm doing it now.  I'm eternally thankful for all that you did to encourage and support us.

One year ago today, I was feeling depressed that I wasn't going to get to see my daughter grow up for 3.5 months of her young life.  I feel so selfish now.  I never should've complained about being "stuck in the hospital" because I'd give anything to have been stuck there even just one more week if it meant Ryan could grow a little bit more inside me.  I probably have a bit of PTSD, and I know we did EVERYTHING we could to keep him in as long as possible.  I guess I'm just putting this out there in case there are others reading who are in the same boat. 

I was constantly researching, wondering if bed rest really was the answer.  So many people with complicated pregnancies said, "My OB doesn't even think I need to be on bed rest.  S/he just told me to take it easy and rest if I start to feel tired."  I'm here to tell anyone willing to listen that there are times when you really need to trust your own body and take the signs seriously.  Bed rest is hard, but it's one of those things you hate while you're doing it, but then when you don't have the chance to do it anymore, you wish you could have it back.  And coming from me, who was on bed rest for 15 weeks and still ended up delivering way too early, it probably seems contradictory for me to encourage bed rest.  I imagine the skeptics saying, "Well, you were on bed rest so long and it didn't even work for you!"  I truly don't think we would've made it that far if we hadn't been so strict about it for the 15 weeks I got to do it.  So, if anyone asked me if bed rest works, I would respond with a resounding yes.

Thanks for letting me get this out there.  These milestones leading up to his birthday, all these "One year ago todays", have been harder on me than I expected.  But, I'm so incredibly thankful that they are memories of trials that Ryan was able to overcome and not memories of loss and mourning.  It could've been so, so much worse, and I know that.  We are truly blessed.

In other news, we're still waiting on the results of Ryan's CT scan.  He's getting better and better at tummy time and tasting purees.  Day light savings time was pretty good to us (I'm typing this now as I'm waiting for both kids to wake up). ;)  And we are so amazed at all of your awesome generosity to Ryan's March for Babies team.  He's made it to the top 10 family teams for our region, and he's not far from making it to the top 5!!  All of your prayers, support, and generosity are such an amazing blessing in our lives, so thank you.

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